Alright kids, buckle your safety belts. You didn't ask for it, but it's coming anyway. So, in the wise words of a short, plump, red and blue plumber: "Here we go!" (Props to you if you get that reference.)
The Good News...
So I had the immense pleasure of spending the past weekend at a retreat hosted by the Cats for Christ out of Manhattan. I've attended their Spring Retreat for the past 3 years and, after the bust that was the CABB retreat (that's right, I said it), I decided that it couldn't hurt to try another. Especially since past experience gave me reason to believe it would be exactly what I needed. Thank God for tradition. (That statement will be the theme for this post, by the way.)
Though I only get to see most of the group once a year, the Cats never cease to amaze me. They have the amazing ability to make anyone feel like they belong. I'll talk more about why this is especially meaningful to me in a moment but, I wanted to go ahead and put it out there since this is the "Good News" section. They are a wonderful group of Christian people and I'm honored every time I get to spend time with any of them. I didn't even mine the long road trip with Mario and Bill. Salt of the earth, those guys. Plus, when I stand between them, I feel like I have bodyguards. =) I do.
Anyway, so the retreat was phenomenal. Our small group was absolutely wonderful and probably the most rewarding for me. It felt good to have deep, meaningful conversations again. I didn't realize how much I'd been missing God. They re-confirmed my slightly faltering belief that it's impossible to be a complete/fulfilled child of God without spending time with his other children. I just needed to find children that wanted to spend time with me. Todd Lollar, our extremely gifted speaker was also one of the most inspiring people I've ever met. Plus, he has an affinity for local music, so he must be a good guy. =)
Other than that, I have a few other "Good News" items that I'll briefly touch on:
You'll be glad to hear that Chris and I finally had "the conversation." Via email. But that's ok. I take what I can get. =) We've mutually decided that pursuing a relationship would be a bad idea and, while I am a little sad, I'm more relieved. As much as I care for him and he for me, it's just not enough for us to hang around for 9 months and hope that, when he returns, things wouldn't be like they were this last time. That thought terrified me. But, we parted ways very civilly and will remain friends. He's still fighting and, unlike a lot of people, I still get it. We both needed a friend more anyway.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this yet but I will be moving again at the end of May. Sorry my Texas friends, I'm only going to another area of KC. =) I'm really excited though. I've taken on 2 good friends as roommates and we are searching frantically for a place to reside. This means, among other things, a great financial relief for Mandy. And hopefully the return of Not Stressed and 'Sure I Can Come Visit You' Mandy. Double hurray for that!
And last, but most definitely not least: Crazy wedding stuff. I mentioned in the last post that it was 96 days til Heathers wedding. That count is down to 88 now and I need to get on the ball. But...I have new news to make this whole situation both fantastic and more nuts: My other best friend in the whole world (Mandy - yes Cara, that Mandy), is getting married in 87 days!!! That's right, my two best friends are getting married withing 24 hours of each other. Are you freakin kidding me?! Needless to say, I have a love/hate relationship with both of them right now. =) Just kidding girls!! I most definitely couldn't be more excited. And I'm just thankful you're both getting married in Lubbock. But if you think you're not having a joint bachelorette party, you're nuts! =) So yeah, that's on my to-do list for the extreme near future. And I refuse to believe that my life was the inspiration for the movie 27 Dresses.
The Bad News...
As much as I hate to end with this, I wanted to allow the people that don't read all of my blog to get the good stuff before they hit that red X up in the right-hand corner. The following is the promised explanation of my current annoyance with the church of Christ. However, thanks to the Cats Retreat, I've discovered that my qualms are not against the cofC after all. They are more or less against those that (in my opinion) are making the rest of us look bad. So there you go. Feel free to opt out of reading at any moment.
Let me express one more time and in all caps that this is, in every possible way MY OPINION. I am not trying to preach at anyone and I definitely won't make you feel like a horrible person if you don't agree with me. I am aware of the fact that my opinions are slightly more conservative than that of most of my peers. I do not apologize for that nor expect an apology from anyone else. Our beliefs are just that: Ours. We are all still learning everyday. And if you're not, that's where the problem lies.
So, in the past few months, things have been gradually taking hold of my heart and causing major discontent in my life. I know it's been evident in my attitude and demeanor and I apologize for any offense I may have caused because of it. The only excuse I can muster is that people turn into monsters when they think humans are the worst creatures on this earth.
I know that's not a fair statement and, if I was to really be honest with myself, it wouldn't be a true statement either. I just said that so you might have some vague conception of how I've been feeling about a lot of the people around me lately. First of all, unfortunately, that CABB group that I once spoke so highly of has recently been faltering in a lot of ways. I saw inevitable destruction a few months ago but seem to have chosen the wrong way to go about solving the problems before they started.
Here are the main points that have been bothering me:
I've always enjoyed the CABB group because there is always something going on. When things first got kickin, we went thru withdrawals if we spent more than 24 hours apart. I really liked that. It feels really good to be part of a group that can't seem to get enough of you. However, there was something missing. Turns out: It was Jesus. Pretty awesome considering we're supposed to be a "church group" huh?
Anyway, the deal is, we were always together but rarely studying the Bible (food). 3 nights a week we play some sort of league sport, the rest we eat together at BWW or some other loud restaurant where serious talks are discouraged by the atmosphere. Wednesday night was "Guest Speaker Night" for awhile there. It was cool in that we would have a new person from some walk of life who was involved in the church come and speak to us about their duties in serving the Lord and his people. Nothing particularly bad about that and we got to know a lot of the members but, to me, no food. OP also does the Sunday night Lifegroup instead of church thing that a lot of churches have gone too in the past few years. Again, I don't particularly have a problem with that, as long as we're studying the Bible. Problem is, we weren't. One of the ministers at OP had made a CD-rom study with his own questions. There were Bible verses here and there but most of the time, only 2 of us even brought our Bible.
I think the proverbial "poop hitting the fan" point came one night during a Wednesday night class. Our speaker did not show up that evening and so we asked the elder in charge of our group if he could "wing it" for us. He happens to be a very well-educated man and someone I like quite a bit so I was pleased. And I was correct in assuming he would do something from the Word. So he spoke for a little bit and then told us to "Open our Bible to..." and I looked at one of the "leaders" of our group. He didn't have his. He saw the look on my face and said, "I didn't think I would need it!" I told him I never wanted to hear that statement from his mouth about the Bible again. That's when I knew things were bad...
After that night, I went to that elder and told him my concern. I asked if he would be willing to volunteer to teach the class on Wednesday nights so we could at least get something. To my pure joy, he said yes. Now I never miss Wednesday night. Though he is not perfect, he's very committed to the Word and absolutely loves in depth discussion. It's so fulfilling and has been such a blessing. Thank the Lord!
But, like some good things, this one came with a side of not-so-good. Before Curt took over our Wednesday night class, Sunday morning was the only time we seemed to crack open the Word at all. And I was grateful for that. I craved group study so bad I made sure to be awake and alert every Sunday morning without fail. But, once we started studying Bible on Wednesdays, it was as if the group couldn't take that much of it. Now we are going through a Max Lucado book. It's a decent enough book but, like I said, not food. And I've met Mr. Lucado and wasn't all that impressed. God, however, impresses me every day. =)
Anyway so the lack of Bible and desire to study the Bible as a group has really been bothering me. I've tried to fill the void with personal study but that's only been partially working. I have all these thoughts in my head and love the opportunity to get them out and see what others have to say in response. That's why I enjoyed our small group at the retreat so much last weekend. I can't even begin to describe the feeling I have after deep, meaningful discussions like that about something I never have to question the validity of.
Other than that, there have been quite a few other things that have been bothering me. These focus less on CABB and more on Christians and the church as a whole, however. The truth is, I'm terrified for the future of the church of Christ. I hear of greying lines all over the place:
A church once dear to my heart in the OKC area converts its service to instrumental.
A certain church of Christ sponsored sister school allows women to pray in chapel.
I've had 2 experiences in the past month of communion being somewhat less "communial" and more of an uncomfortable show. A Catholic-like process.
Holy cow, I probably just ticked a whole lot of my readers off. But you'll be ok. Let me remind you that I am simply expressing my opinion here. These things may just be pure "preference" and not "Salvation issues" but they are my "preferences." And this is my blog. =)
Instrumental music only really bothers me because I am a singer. And I believe everyone is. I don't think of it in terms of right and wrong. To me it's excess that we just don't need. We have plenty. No matter how tone deaf they may be, I've never heard anyone wo didn't sound absolutely amazing singing with all their heart: "Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me." It's about what you're singing, not how. Simply praise God.
My view of women's roles is the same: It's excess. While I do feel there is enough instruction to keep my thinking I need to keep my mouth shut, right or wrong really is not the issue. It's simply not needed. I know plenty of women in the church just as if not more active than the men. You just don't know it. Somewhere along the lines we women simply got unsatisfied with our determined roles and decided we wanted to do more. But c'mon girls! Sure we can lead singing, pray and serve communion just as well as any man. But how many men do you know can put a potluck together? Or visit widows or teach little children week after week or create bulletin boards or put together wedding and baby showers? We have plenty to do!! Why do we need to take the few things they can do from them? (No offense guys.) But seriously, we have enough. And if you feel like you don't, come see me. My mother, Helen Denton and I are overloaded.
And as far as communion goes, other than the Passover, there isn't much specific instruction. But I just can't get this verse out of my head: "A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup." (2 Cor. 11:28) I have a hard time doing that if I'm walking down the isle in front of the entire church.
So what's the solution? Well that's what I need you for. The 2 of you that made it through this whole post. =) Do I give up and accept things the way they are? Try another church? Try a whole other religion? Keep working at it until I'm blue in the face?
What do you think?
For now, I'm praying hardcore. And crying a lot. But I'm questioning, reading and am convinced that answers are coming. I just hope they come before that poop gets so deep I can't wade through. (That was disgusting...)
Have a blessed day my babies. And hang in there. One way or another, Jesus is coming soon.
Mandy
