She's Baaaaack...

For now at least. I make no promises after this post. So you better enjoy it.

Actually, I really am going to try and return to this. I'm sure you've all missed me more than as much as I have missed you. However, know this: Pretty much the only thing I have to report on is

1. Wedding Plans
2. The fact that Austin is far away whilest #1 is occurring
3. The fact that my Mom helping with #1 makes #2 suck even worse
4. I need a job

So, if we're all ok with hearing about these things in every post from here to June 26, let's do it!

Ok, so #1: So far, we have (drumroll please) a venue! It may not seem like much to you simple minded folk but to those of us who have endured the torture of attempting to find a place that's not only beautiful but will also keep you from having to file bankruptcy, this is a HUGE victory! Check it out: The Grand Loft

Please don't freak out that, yes, it is in Osawatomie, KS (where?!). I promise, once you walk into this place, you'll forget.

#2: Austin is still truckin along in his internship at WKU. So far, no job prospect has reared it's beautiful head. Booo. But, right now he's livin it up conference style in Memphis. In case you haven't heard, the Hilltoppers are kickin some major Sunbelt rear end. Go Tops!

Needless to say, he's missing out on all the planning. Lucky? Maybe. But he DID get to plan our honeymoon. Wanna guess where we're going?! Here's a hint: It's NOT cold there!

#3: My mother and I have NEVER agreed on anything in my entire life. So, if you think my wedding is going to be any different...stop sniffing glue. But, we're making it. And, because it's her tax refund that's paying for this wedding (the same tax refund that was supposed to pay for her anniversary trip to Hawaii), I'm allowing a few things to slide in her favor. I am, however, drawing the line on wearing her wedding dress from 1979. For 1, I don't wear a size 2. And for 2, the veil makes me look like the Virgin Mary and, well...we won't go there.

#4: Ok, for the first time ever, I'm going on record with this: I admit it. Leaving W&R may not have been the wisest decision I've ever made. Although planning a wedding has been much easier with only a part-time job to get in my way, I get my last W&R paycheck at the end of the month and I have no new job lined up. (Yikes!) So...if any of you need a personal assistant, hit me up! I'm super excellent, I promise.*

110 Days!!!
-Mandy-


*You can't afford me and NO I will not do that.

The Princess has Finally Chosen a Suitor

I went to visit Austin in Bowling Green on January 29. When I got there, I picked him up at the school after work and, ignoring his requests to shower and change first, took him straight to BWW for some dinner.

After dinner, we went to his studio apartment so he could change and stop complaining. =) When we got there, I laid down on the bed and he went into the kitchen. The following ensued:

Me: What was that noise?
Austin: I think your phone vibrated. You got a text.
Me: Oh ok.
Austin: ...are you going to see who it's from?
Me: Eh. Maybe later.

After a few minutes, Austin hadn't come out of the kitchen so I jumped up to check out the text. It was from Facebook, letting me know that Austin had updated his status (because I Facebook stalk him even when I'm not on Facebook).

The text said: 'Austin Pratt has updated his status to 'Austin hopes she says yes.'

I turned to ask what it meant and found him on his knee with this:

We met on MySpace and got engaged on Facebook. Technology rocks!!

PS - Now everyone leave me alone! =)

Still Awake At 3am = Post No Different From All My Other Posts

I got a new laptop for Christmas from my Mommy. Not because my last one needed to lean against the wall just to stay open because I picked it up by the screen one too many times in the past 10 years of our relationship. Not because it needed to be turned on at 3am if I wanted to check my email on my lunch break. And not because she loves me.

I got a new laptop for Christmas from my Mommy...so I could apply for unemployment. And I have want too will. I'm just trying to figure out why they would allow me to collect unemployment insurance if I'm still collecting salary from W&R and working extra part-time at LW.

State government. That's how. I love Kansas.

No I don't.

I wanna move to Kentucky. Or Tennessee. Or Japan.

Except not Japan. I don't speak Chinese.

UPDATED: I'm Sorry KJ

*Disclaimer: The following is full and complete Mandy sarcasm. Kevin knows I love him.

KJ was the first person to make a comment about my 13 day blog absence. This tells me one thing: He's the only one who cares. He very rudely meanly nicely stated: "New blog plz. I need to know what's going on in your life without asking you directly."

And so, my dear friend, this post is for you:

Dear KJ,

I am so sorry I've been gone. Even though I know all to well that you need my words of wisdom and hilarity for your simple, meaningless life to mean something, I chose to remove myself from your reading pleasure. I'm sorry. Perhaps some explanation and begging of your forgiveness will suffice? Please note: These are not excuses. I simply feel that you deserve an explanation for my absence.

First of all, I am so sorry that today is my last day at Waddell & Reed. Between packing up my desk, training my replacement and saying teary goodbyes to the best bosses and coworkers I've ever had, I should've taken into account your starvation for my wit. What was I thinking? Can you ever forgive me? I'm so sorry.

Next, I must also apologize for the season. How dare I place Christmas shopping for my family and another family above your need for my words? That was just so rude of me. Next year, they will all get e-cards so that I don't have to leave my keyboard for even one second. Because you are that important to me. I'm sorry I didn't show that this year. Candy cane?

And finally, my biggest apology: I'm so so SO incredibly sorry, KJ, that my grandmother passed away only a few hours after I wrote that last post. I'm sorry that she was my favorite and I hers. I'm sorry that we had to wait until my uncle got back from China a full week later before we could have the funeral. I'm sorry I drove 11 hours through the night after working a full day so I could be in Lubbock for the funeral only to turn around and come right back less than 24 hours later because I could not take any more time off from my two jobs. It was rude of me to not find a short balance between the emotional and physical exhaustion and stress to sit down and write something that would make you and my other readers laugh hysterically. And it was even more rude of me to not feel like laughing. Perhaps I'm sick. Either way, I'm sorry.

Again, I do not offer these explanations in an attempt to gain your sympathy. I do not deserve that. I simply hope these explanations of my absence help to extract your forgiveness my friend. My hope, prayer and Christmas wish is that, one day, you'll find it in your heart to forgive me for the depression you must have faced over these last two weeks. I'm so sorry.

Sincerely,

Mandy

But How Did He Know?!

My bosses boss just came over to my desk and said to my boss: "Amanda was prairie doggin it." Apparently, he saw me pop my head up over my cubicle to see if anyone was coming and decided to tell my boss about it. Unfortunately, his choice of words means something totally different to those of us who've seen Rat Race.

Ok, Fine. I Agree With You, KJ. I'd Be Hot If I Was Someone Else

Apparently, my readers are not ammused by my low-self esteem posts. What's up with that? Friends, this is an attempt to make you all feel better about yourself. My hope is that, if you look in the mirror someday and don't like what you see, perhaps you'll say to yourself, "Well, at least I don't have to go on a face diet." And you don't. You're beautiful.

I, on the other hand, am a whopping 25 points below the average person on the official Asian hotness scale. In America, that means I'm practically a fungus. Amungus. Haha! Ok, I'm done.

But, fear not, loyal reader(s)! There is hope for this unfortunate looking woman child yet. One of my most favoritest friends has made yet another attempt to show me that I have nothing to be concerned about.

KJ has the uncanny ability to see me in the most oddest of places. Namely, on other peoples faces.* Over the years, I've been told by this friend that I look somewhat like the following:

Mary Shannon

What's that? You don't know who Mary Shannon is?! Yeah, me neither.

Apparently she is on the USA show In Plain Sight. She plays the ahem freakin hot witness protection agent assigned to keep all these important people from gettin dead. And she does. So I hear.

Anyway, KJ told me once that this chick reminds him of me. Why? Well, apart from the fact that I never wear brown and it would take one heck of a bra to give me that kind of figure, apparently its a tie between her hair and her amazing ability to make men do anything she says just by pointing a gun at them. Have you ever seen me hold a gun? It's intimidating awesome so cool scary. And I guess that does it for some guys.

Unfortunately, this dream will never come true for KJ because I don't like guns. Unless you're a creeper planning on breaking into my room late at night in which case, I have 7 under my pillow.

Anna Torv

If you're saying to yourself, "Mary Shannon, ha! More like Molly Shannon!" you're right. And it's all downhill from here.

KJ just recently told me that this gorgeous young lady also reminds him of me. Again, citing the hair. (Though I'm pretty sure the last time I saw him my hair was about 6 inches shorter and 3 shades darker.) That's why I like KJ. He remembers the good 'ole days.

Anyway, Anna Torv plays the role of Special Agent Olivia Dunham in the new Fox TV show Fringe. She apparently has Marine Corps, FBI experience and is a little bitter thanks to some unknown betrayal. See a pattern here? KJ has a thing for blondes with guns and a bad attitude. But KJ, I only have 1.5 out of 3.

Needed: One freakin hot chick with a gun and vendetta, who secretly just needs to be held by a loving, funny, really cool dude. Redheads need not apply.

Princess Peach

And here's the doozie. But, believe it or not, KJ is not the only person who has referenced Mario's lost love as my lost twin.

Perhaps it's, again, due the the hair (not even close). Perhaps it's the fact that she's a Princess and, in case you didn't know, I am too. Or, perhaps it's due to the fact that scary monster-type creatures like to kidnap her and she's always waiting on some short, chubby plumber and his stupid brother to jump over the fire balls and weird long-necked turtles and stop rescuing wannabes. I'm just sayin.

Oh well. There are worst female gaming characters to be compared too. At least I got the modest, high-necked dress, gloves and dress to the floor chick. He could've said I remind him of Lora Croft and I would've had to have him committed. She's not even blonde.

So, what exactly am I supposed to infer from all of this? All of these beautiful, fictional characters remind KJ of me. And, by his definition, in a good way. This is supposed to make me feel better about my 35% hotness, right? Well KJ, it doesn't. You totally fail. Why? Because I don't carry a gun. And I don't ever want to be in the military. And, other than that one time, I've never thrown a turtle shell at the driver in front of me hoping to knock him off a cliff. I'm just a plain 'ole assistant with fading blonde hair who drives 80 miles an hour on the highway in a black Jeep. Sorry to disapp...wait a sec, that last part is kinda hot.

Note to self: NEVER sell the Jeep. Thanks, Kev!


*Whoa, that rhymed. My bad.

Smiling = Ugly

Text conversation I had with Romeo this morning:

Him: How are you feeling this morning?

Me: Well I was feeling pretty blah but I just read a comment on my blog that made my day.

Him: What was it?

Me: Remember that post about the face analyzer that said I was ugly? The creator commented.

Him: The creator? What did he say?

Me: "I am Rhee SC, BAPA developer. You seems to landmark facial point or fiducials incorrectly. The calculated attractiveness in general, 60-90 for average peoples. You'd better try to analyze your face with more standardized photo and follow guiding description for better define facial landmark. Thanks."

Him: Haha, nice. Why did that make your day?

Me: It gave me something to blog about.

Though, I gotta tell ya, I'm not completely sure what to blog about. Nothing about that comment really makes me look good. I mean, according to him (or her), I'm not the 25 points BELOW the average on the attractiveness scale.

Instead, I'm so freakin dense I can't even figure out simple "put that pointer here and click" instruction. Is that supposed to be better than being ugly? It's not really working out all that well for Jessica Simpson.

And what does "standardized photo" mean exactly?* I thought it just meant "try and keep people out of the picture that are prettier than you."

Sigh.


*UPDATE: I went back and read the instructions a little further on the site (pardon my moment of male-ness) and wouldn't you know it, there's a link for good tips of a "standardized photo." Tip #2: "Your face is relaxed and lips are closed smoothly." So, that explains the lip index issue. Too bad I don't own a single photo of me without either my mouth wide open or flashing those pearly whites. So basically, if I could keep my big mouth shut, I'd be freakin gorgeous.